To my addiction,
Goodbye. You’ve been around too long. Yes, I originally chose you for recreation, then to numb the trauma and pain of life’s ups and downs, the lack of instruction as a child, the misunderstood love I received and shaming religion I was taught along the way. You, addiction, gave me false hope and satisfaction while providing a cell to hold me captive to my irrational thoughts, guilt, and shame. You broke down my desire to be with family and friends, who were not in addiction. You contributed to chronic health issues. You were not cheap either — costing me shelter, employment, the basics of self-care, rest and vacations, and relationship with others, with my family and daughter. You took my life and I gave it to you. Then, I didn’t know how to overcome you.
“Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am!” — Romans 7:21–24
Addiction, you tried to end my life, but I had Jesus first — a foundation I didn’t fully comprehend. I had been blinded from the salvation I received in the Holy Spirit when I chose Jesus at age 14, but at 68 I finally see.
“Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” — Romans 7:24,25
I had Jesus to withstand all your tactics and provide victory for me and anyone that calls your name. Oh, I cried out for decades. My father, the creator, had a plan to answer my prayer for relief, for healing.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” — Matthew 11:28–30
On May 13th, 2024, the journey began. The Men’s New Life Addiction Recovery Program at the Tacoma Rescue Mission twinkled in a dark place – like Oz shining from a distance. I had never been there. It was a new environment. Risky. But it was a safe place with the remedy for new life in Jesus and healing relationships. Without you, addiction, in my face, I finally felt safe, able to sleep, and had more than just coffee and sugar in my diet. I had opportunity to learn about the spiritual warfare I had been battling for decades. I entered back into relationship with others — my brothers in the program. I was not alone.
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” — Psalms 139:23,24
I found that I was empty. Filled with you, addiction. Now I had an opportunity to seek, knock, and ask the Lord, my savior, about his will for me. I realized even more the spiritual battle that I had been reinforcing the enemy in. The New Life Program evaluated my mental health and my substance abuse history. It diagnosed my trauma and PTSD. The treatment the program offered included things I had not been informed of before — emotional regulation, recognizing and reducing anxiety, anger management, and assertive communication skills. I discovered new ways to respond instead of just reacting. I learned about decision making, nutrition, self-esteem, boundaries, healthy routines, and creating a sober-support system. I faced my triggers and cravings. I received recovery. Yes, recovery. Recovery from you, addiction, that was grounded in a biblical perspective. I finally had the tools to stand and fight you. To overcome my fear. To choose the new life that God had already planned for me before it existed.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.” — Romans 8:28
Addiction, I commit to keeping you at bay. Most importantly, my relationship with Jesus will keep me focused on good things, provide a community of like-minded, sober people to guide and share this new life. My church, Zion’s River, is a foundation on the cornerstone. I have people there. I have the love of Jesus through my brothers and sisters. I have pastors, elders, and recovery support. My family is also on my team. And I have ongoing development of my outside community through groups like Celebrate Recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and discipleship trainings.
See, addiction? There is no room for you. I’ve made room for the Holy Spirit to fill all the empty spaces you once occupied. I choose Jesus.
